Pandora's Box
by katechoco
Summary: It was forbidden, it was wrong, but they did it and now Pandora's box is wide open. Will they be able to handle the consequences, some of which will alter their lives forever? Or this affair will be the end of an era, then end of them? (EO)
1. Chapter 1

**_Hello everyone! I am back!_**

 ** _This is a story I've been working on for sometime now and i hope that you'll enjoy it! There's plenty of twists and turns to come, be prepared! Its EO and I know that so much had happened on the show since Elliot left, but to me it will always be the ultimate pairing._**

 ** _MANY many thanks to Kate (aka mrandmrsstabler) for everything!_**

 ** _Note: some parts of this chapter are M!_**

 ** _Disclaimer:i do not own the characters_**

* * *

" _I am a total idiot. That's the honest truth. Well, damn me because I am the only one to be blamed for this total chaos. And he knows it, he believes it too."_

Sat at the end of the barstool, shipping what was probably her third drink that night. " _Well maybe it is the forth. Who knows? Who cares? Definitely not me_." She was taking slow, long ships trying to avoid the gaze of the guy at the other end of the bar. He had been sitting there, drooling for the last half hour. She chuckled. She couldn't really blame the guy. The too tight-too short black silky dress she was wearing kind of had this purpose. To make a man drool. But not that man. At least it's nice to know that the plan would be working.

She looked the man with the corner of her eye. He was good looking _. Poor guy. He doesn't even suspect the mess that he might land himself into. The mess that's me_. _Other guys know, he knows. And that's why I am so surprised he stuck around for so long, even under those circumstances. I might ask him why sometime but I probably won't like the answer._

She felt someone slipping in the chair beside her, and almost sure that was the guy from the corner, she turned around to tell him that it would be better to wait for her to get drunk enough, only to come face to face with Casey.

"Hey" Olivia said in an almost too cheery voice

Casey being a lawyer, and a very good friend, sighed hard.

"Who's ass am I kicking?"

"Mine."

"Ok spill. What's his name?"

"God, you know me too well, counselor."

She took another long ship from her drink and glanced at Casey who was eyeing her hard. It was Olivia's turn now to sigh, knowing that they wouldn't leave that place until she had spilled her guts to her. _Well, at least partially. I know my ways around those things. I've been doing it so often lately, it's starting to become second nature._

"He's married." She said not able to meet her gaze, but very well imagining it.

"Way to go Liv."

"Yes, I know, thank you very much."

"Is it serious?"

" I don't know."

"Is it just sex?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love him?"

"I…don't know."

"For fuck's sake" Olivia heard her mutter and gulped the remaining drink down. She welcomed the buzz that brought to her head and glanced sideways at the guy on the corner. Casey caught her gaze and narrowed her eyes.

"Well, one thing I know, and you know it too very well, is that you're hurting. And not any one night stands will fix this."

"God, remind me again why I told you to come here."

"Because you wanted me to prevent you from doing whatever you were going to do with the poor guy over there, just because. And because you wanted someone to spill your guts to. Which is not going very well if you ask me, but I know you'll talk when you feel ready."

"Will you walk me home?"

"Good girl."

* * *

She reached her apartment door having left Casey at the entrance of her building with the promise not to do anything stupid for the time being. Which was not going very well because as soon as Olivia closed her door, the screen of her cell flashed.

" _I'll be there in 30. Missed you."_

She sighed. What choice did she have, really?

" _I'm waiting. Missed you 2."_

 _You know what the thing is with me? I can't. I am too damaged. I have holes and he fills them, in a way no one was ever able to. I went into relationship after relationship, to guy after guy, from nearly when I was 15. I was looking for that little something that no one was able to give me. And then, he came along, with his cocky smile, and his aggressive attitude, and this sparkling eyes, and his irresistible body, and he made me angry, and pissed. We have fought and I called him an asshole more times than I can recall. But here we are, almost nine years after we first shook hangs on the squad room, nine years after I first thought "Oh boy, I am in big, big trouble here", something that I keep telling myself, everyday ever since._

She looked herself at the mirror trying to fix her dress and make-up. She smiled at the reflection, or at least tried to, in an effort to make herself believe that everything is going to be okay. _As if._

Some time and another glass of vodka later, the buzzer went off. She took a look at the small screen and sighed, as Elliot's cocky smile appeared in its whole glory. She buzzed him in and a minute later he was coming through her door, with the shit-eating grin still plastered on his face.

She didn't have any time to speak before he attacked her mouth, right there, on the doorstep, and wrapped his arms around her waist. She kissed him back in the same aggressive manner, half because she was still pissed at him, and half because, she turned her on so fucking much.

"Sorry for cancelling earlier." He said between dropping small hot pecks on her neck. "Lizzie's school play I had no idea about."

"You will make it up to me. How much time do we have?" She said trying to catch her breath, as his hand moved on her dress and started caressing it above its soft material .

"Two, maybe three hours. I told Kathy it won't take long."

Olivia felt a small ache in her heart as he said those words, but she didn't let it last too long, she never did. Instead, she started unbuttoning his shirt and let her mouth explore his broad chest.

"I want you now" he growled into her ear and proceeded on lifting her dress up. With one movement, he slipped her panties further down her legs. Feeling her stomach burning with anticipation, she helped him remove them completely. He shoved her unceremoniously against the wall and attacked her mouth again. In between the ferocious kiss, she heard him undoing his belt. She reached down and run her hand on his already hard cock, letting out a moan into his mouth.

"Here, now?" She mumbled inside his mouth, biting softly on his bottom lip.

"Yeah" he growled and lifted her left leg while his tongue is still savoring the inside of her mouth. Letting out soft moans, she went on and wrapped the other around his waist. She breathed hard in anticipation feeling his throbbing erection on her heated entrance

As his mouth was travelling on her neck, sucking and breaking the skin there, she felt him thrusting inside her hard, burring his whole length deep. She let out a small gasp at this sudden intrusion and stilled for a second trying to adjust to him.

He started thrusting inside her, and her head went and collided with the wall behind her as she moaned loudly, pure ecstasy overcoming her whole body. Against the wall, on the bed, on the couch, on the kitchen counter, he always feels so good inside her, reaching spots that nobody ever managed to hit. He kept on thrusting, hard and fast, bringing her closer to an orgasm with each and every thrust.

"Oh God Liv, that is so good, you feel so good baby." He mumbled into her ear, sucking and biting her earlobe. She gasped and moved to wrap her arms around his neck, her nails digging deep on his shoulders.

She felt him thrust hard and deep inside her one more time and suddenly her orgasm hits her overcoming her whole body. Moaning loudly she wrapped herself around him even tighter. His cock twitched inside her and seconds later, his hot cum filled her as he kept thrusting and moaning into her ear.

"Oh Liv… yeah baby… so good…"

She let out a satisfying sigh and untangled her legs and arms from around him slowly. She moved to fix her dress properly, without looking at him.

"Well that was good."

Olivia raised her head to find him smiling at her with his cocky smile. She still hadn't got down from her nirvana entirely and so all the anger, disappointment and bitterness from before, had been put aside for the moment being. So she moved and rubbed his naked chest slowly.

" You said you still got two hours or so. Why don't we move this to the bedroom, so you can make it up to me for ditching me earlier?" she whispered teasingly. Elliot's smile grew even wider and moving forward he caught her lips on another steamy kiss. She felt her arousal and need growing again inside her and came closer to him. He then, with one movement proceeded on locking her legs around him again, and he walked like this towards the bedroom.

Three hours later, she found herself alone on her bed, tangled on the sheets.

 _He's gone and the only thing that's left of him is his scent, that fills the air and covers my sheets. That and a shirt that he once forgot and I can't bring myself to give back. I wear it sometimes at night when it becomes too much but then I hate him even more._

 _But the line between love and hate had never been so thin and so invisible before and it didn't take me many sleepless nights to figure out that I'm hopelessly in love with him._

* * *

 ** _I hope you liked the first chapter! I am so excited to be back. Review and tell me what you think :) Until the next chapter make sure to check the awesome stories of mrandmrsstabler and of course Home: A Bittersweet Lullaby, which we are co-writing! xoxoxo Kate_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you everyone for following and reviewing the story!**_

 _ **ok, I need to rant a bit about SVU's finale...First of all of course, I am beyond thrilled that Liv adopted Noah! I catch myself smiling randomly during the day at this thought :P :P Nick leaving is sad and he will be missed,but it was good that he left smoothly, and like Cragen and Munch he might come back in the future! And now...about what Liv said about Elliot, that got everyone upset...I must admit, it bothered me a bit too but then I thought about it more clearly. Elliot and Olivia had a great working partnership, but their personal relationship was a mess. And its true, that as a person, Liv wasnt able to grow so much, because of Elliot. Not to mention that Elliot wasnt openly supportive of her having a kid. I believe its because he also had some feelings for her but because he couldnt act on them, he unintentionally sabotaged her personal life. They had a really complicated relationship, which I dont think its able to be explained properly on one or even sixty minutes...So dont get upset over what she said! What matters is what we know ;)**_

 _ **So, on with the story!**_

* * *

She took a ship from what must have been the millionth cup of coffee this day. They were camped at the precinct for three days straight now, working on a kidnapping phones were ringing off the hook all day an on top of it all, Elliot was acting like he was running for asshole of the year. Cragen finally having enough after he almost got into a fist fight with Fin, he ordered him to go and take some rest on the cribs.

After about an hour that Elliot had retrieved on the cribs and things were temporarily more quiet, Olivia decided to go and check on him. While she was climbing up the stairs, she thought that it was a move that definitely was gonna bite her in the ass one way or another but it was like an invisible power dragging her. She sighed. She knew all too well what that power was.

She slowly opened the door and caught sight of him hunched into a bed at the far end of the room. She moved slowly towards him and sat at the end of the bed. He raised his head and when he saw her he sat more forward on the bed, with an expressionless face.

"Did I wake you?" She asked quietly.

He shook her head and rubbed his face.

"Couldn't sleep" he mumbled.

"El, what's going on? I know the case is hard and we are all tired and on the edge but you really overreacted today with Fin." Olivia said in calm voice trying not to provoke him.

"It's Lizzie." He said quietly after some seconds.

"What about Lizzie?"

"The girl who is kidnapped, Sarah, looks so much like her, they have the same age, same appearance, even similar tastes, and it's just…." he took a deep breath and looked over to Olivia "I got into a fight with her the other day and then we caught the case and I didn't have the chance to talk to her since then…" he dropped his head into his hands again.

" El… it's okay, Lizzie is fine, she's safe and I'm sure that once we close the case you will talk to her and everything would be okay again." She said encouragingly.

He suddenly raised his head and moved closer to her. His hand snaked up her thigh caressing it softly, his face coming closer and closer to hers.

"I need you" he breathed into her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

"Now? It's not…"

"Please Liv."

Without further protests he let him drag her down on him, his hand already working his way with the buttons of her shirt. Between hard and demanding kisses, she asked herself if there was a moment when he wasn't the choice.

Not much time later, Olivia watched him from were she was lying half naked on the bed as he was putting his clothes back on. As if he sensed her eyes on him he turned and looked at her.

"Sorry if I was a bit rough.." he said with regret in his voice

"It's fine don't worry" she said smiling a bit, although she knew that the soreness between her legs would last a bit.

" _It's fine, it's more than fine, it was probably one of the most hot..."_

"So I'm going to go down first, wait five minutes and come too ok?"

" _And then reality hits us hard again…"_

She smiled.

"Yeah great".

When she heard the door closing behind him, she sighed and stared at the ceiling. Then she slowly rose and start gathering her clothes from the floor.

She hadn't even closed the door of the cribs behind her when Elliot called her from the base of the stairwell.

"We have him. He's on this empty warehouse on 26th."

I looked at him straight in the eyes for a second but he was unreadable.

"Let's go" I said, climbing hurriedly the stairs

"Wait for backup, they'll meet you there" Cragen shouted on our way out.

* * *

"Dammit, where's that back-up?"

Olivia looked up and saw a haunted look in Elliot's blue eyes. She closed her own for a moment and she was back on the cribs, Elliot on top of her, moving inside of her, his hot breath on her neck, and his eyes looking down at her with the same haunted look.

"Let's go in, they'll come find us" she heard herself saying.

She started moving towards the door, gun in hand. Elliot hesitated for a second but then followed her.

They entered the empty warehouse quietly. It was almost pitch dark and cold, very cold, Olivia thought shivering a bit. Piles of empty boxes laid everywhere. They walked trying to find any sign of the girl or the perp. Suddenly Olivia heard the sound of footsteps behind her and she turned in time to see their perp spotting them and running away.

"Shit!" Elliot yelled and stormed behind him, Olivia in tow.

"Police, freeze!" Olivia shouted but to no avail. They were running deeper and deeper into the warehouse. The man suddenly stopped and with a smirk threw a big self with boxes over them. Olivia quickly got out of harms way but Elliot stomped over a box and fell with a thump on the floor.

"Go!" He yelled at her, when he saw her stopping dead on her tracks.

" _I'm fine Elliot, go!"_

Olivia nodded and resumed running towards the direction the perp had gone, trying to erase the image of an erratic Elliot above her on the bus station.

She couldn't see him anywhere but she continued running, when her foot hit on something and she came face to face with the concrete floor. That something was their perp who was now grabbing her hard by her arms, pinning her down with all his force.

"Stop it you bastard! " Olivia yelled trying to free her hands from his grasp.

"Shut up bitch!" the man screamed landing a blow with his foot on her stomach. Olivia groaned loudly. The next thing she knew, his hands were around her neck, suffocating her. She tried to scream but no sound came out. Her face was inches from the perp's who was looking at her with a sadistic smirk on his face.

"Now that's better huh?" He growled.

Black dots started dancing in front of her eyes. She brought her hands above his in an effort to pull them away but his grasp was just too strong. She didn't know how much longer she could last without air.

" _Elliot where are you? Elliot please!"_ She thought with all her might as if she could call him with her thoughts only. And then, just like that, air filled her lungs and she started coughing. It took her a minute to realize that Elliot was standing beside her, the perp on the floor bellow him.

"Fucker" Elliot growled cuffing him tightly.

All of a sudden, people filled the room.

"We got the girl!" Olivia heard someone yelling.

"Liv?" Elliot was now kneeling beside her as she was still trying to catch her breath. "Liv are you ok?" He sounded really worried.

"I… yeah… fine…" She said between coughs.

"Can you stand?"

"Yeah… sure"

She took his hand and unsteadily rose to her feet, only to see her world turning black as she fell unconscious into Elliot's arms.

"Somebody call a bus! Now!" Elliot yelled cradling a limp Olivia in his trembling arms.

* * *

"…No broken ribs… stitches… She was lucky…"

Olivia groaned and blinked her eyelids a few times, trying to adjust to the light of the room.

"Liv?"

She opened her eyes completely and looked around her. She spotted Cragen, Munch and Elliot.

"What the…" She mumbled.

"Liv how are you feeling?" She heard Cragen's voice saying with concern.

"Good" she said and coughed "Did we catch the bastard?"

"Yeah"

She looked on the left of her hospital bed and saw that it was Elliot who had answered her. He was sitting in a chair beside the bed with a weird look on his face.

"Oh. When can I leave this damn place?" She asked sitting up in the bed.

Cragen sighed. Munch chuckled. Elliot groaned.

Two hours and several warnings from the doctors and Cragen later, she was back at her place. She dropped her coat and purse at the living room and went straight to the bathroom. After a long steamy bath, she put on a tank top and her pajama pants. She was about to leave her bedroom and make a beeline for the couch when she got a glimpse of herself in the mirror and stopped dead on her tracks.

Angry red marks that were starting to turn purple, were covering her neck. She softly traced them with her hand. Flashes of what happened in the warehouse penetrated her mind. Elliot laying on the floor telling her to leave him, herself lying on the floor, the perp above her, his hands around her neck, darkness, Elliot, darkness…

Her eyes shot open. Cragen made sure to tell them how utterly stupid was to barge in there without back and they both nodded and said it won't happen again and Olivia looked at Elliot but he was very busy examining his shoes at the moment.

Elliot.. He barely spoke two words to her at the hospital, he didn't offer to give her a ride back to her place, he just left when she was signing the release papers.

She laid down on the couch and stared at the white ceiling. Anger started boiling inside of her.

"Fucking hell" she muttered.

She had gone in there for him, she couldn't stand this look in his eyes, she fucking did this for him, she had rough sex in the cribs for him. She was letting herself drown for him, she became the other woman for him and what did she get in return? A quickie in the cribs?

" _You brought all this to yourself Olivia"_ a voice that sound suspiciously like her mother, said inside her head.

She roughly wiped away the tears that had started falling down her eyes.

She stayed in that position for hours, until it got dark outside and inside her apartment because she hadn't bothered to turn on any lights. Suddenly there was a knock at her door. Knowing perfectly well who it was, she took her time to stand up and go there to open.

She opened and surely enough, Elliot was standing there with an almost angry look at his eyes that aggravated her even more. His eyes rested for a second on her neck before coming back at her face. They stared at each other for some seconds before Olivia made way for him to come inside with a sigh.

"What are you doing here Elliot?" she said in a tired voice

" I wanted to see how you're doing" he mumbled staring at his shoes.

"I am fine, great, now go. Be with your family, you haven't seen them in days"

"You don't have to be like that Olivia"

"Like how, Elliot?" She mimicked his use of her full name.

They stood still, staring at each other in silence, in the middle of her living room.

"Go home to your wife Elliot" she said after a bit quietly.

"Dammit Liv why do you have to make everything so difficult?" he said in an annoyed tone. Her eyes grew wide.

"Me? I am the one who is making it difficult?"

"Well, yeah!"

"Well, fucking no!"

More silence.

"What do you want from me El? What do you want me to say, to do?" She said in a slightly trembling voice.

"We shouldn't have gone inside without backup"

"Oh you think so now, do you?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he said narrowing his eyes.

"I couldn't stand it Elliot!" she burst. "I couldn't stand that look in your eyes when you were talking about Lizzie and how this girl reminded you of her, the pain that was there… the…"

"So now you're saying it's my fault?!"

"No it's not, it's mine and…"

"Why is this time different from the others huh? Countless of times before I had gotten like this over a case. What's different this time?"

"Not every other time we fucked in the cribs before going out on the field. Not every other time we fucked period." Came the bitter response. She wanted to sound indifferent but she couldn't, there was too much pent up emotion for that.

"Wow" he moved and sank down at the closest armchair.

"What, you are surprised? Oh please, don't even try to pretend like this is something more than fucking" She huffed, still standing above him.

"You're my partner Liv!" Elliot hissed standing up again.

"Your partner that you fuck against walls and in the cribs, whenever you please!" She spat and for a moment he seemed startled but he recovered quickly.

"You were there too! Don't try and make it seem like I used you or… or something Olivia! You knew what this was from the beginning!"

The noise of the street filled the room as blue eyes met chocolate ones, in a silent battle.

"Maybe I knew" she said her voice almost a whisper now. "But maybe I don't anymore."

"What's that even supposed to mean?" Elliot said in a low, angry tone.

"It means that I need time… to think." She said and move towards the bedroom. "I'm going to bed now. You can stay, you can go, I don't mind. Just… leave me alone for tonight ok?" And like that she left the living room without expecting an answer.

* * *

 _ **Stay tuned cause there's so much more to come! on the meantime, review! xoxo Kate**_


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hello to everybody! Sorry for the delay, but my dissertation is a pain in the butt...-.- One week to go though and I am done!_**

 ** _Thanks to everyone who reviewed and followed, for their support! I want to hear more from you guys, I am open to any constructive criticism!_**

* * *

" _Maybe I knew" she said her voice almost a whisper now. "But maybe I don't anymore."_

" _What's that even supposed to mean?" Elliot said in a low, angry tone._

" _It means that I need time… to think." She said and move towards the bedroom. "I'm going to bed now. You can stay, you can go, I don't mind. Just… leave me alone for tonight ok?" And like that she left the living room without expecting an answer._

She sank down on her pillows and after only mere seconds, she fell into an uneasy sleep, filled with restless dreams and nightmares.

 _Gitano was slashing her neck and she was falling to the ground. Elliot was above her, cradling her head in his lap._

" _Go Elliot I'm fine!" Elliot stood up and left while she was trying to catch her breath, but she wasn't in the bus station anymore, she was at the warehouse and she had the perp's filthy hands on her neck again and she tried to scream but no sound came out, but then the hands weren't the perp's anymore, it was Harris and it was the basement all over again, she was handcuffed on the wall and Harris was approaching. She screamed and screamed as he came closer. "Fin would be here any second now" She thought as Harris manhandled her face in front of his erected member and she screamed again but Fin wasn't coming and she screamed and cried and screamed…._

"Liv! Olivia! Wake up!"

Her eyes shot open and it took her a minute to realize that she was in her bed, not the basement and it were Elliot's not Harris's hands that were holding her, trying to calm her. She burst into sobs and buried her head into Elliot's warm chest.

"It's okay now, it was just a nightmare, you're okay now…" He whispered reassuringly into her ear while he cradled her into his strong embrace.

They stayed like that for a while and slowly Olivia's sobs subsided. They were now laying embraced in the dark without speaking, just laying into each other's arms.

"You know that we can't continue doing this right?" She said quietly at some point, after a little more than an hour had passed.

"Yeah, I know" he replied in the same quiet tone.

They spoke no more words, until she was finally lulled to sleep. She woke up several hours later to an empty bed.

* * *

Olivia leaned on the sink to support her weight. She gazed at her reflection on the mirror in front of her and took a deep breath.

Two weeks. It had been two weeks, since the warehouse and the fight with Elliot. It had been two weeks since they decided to break up. And everything was going great, considering. They were only interacting for work-related stuff, and because their caseload had been lighter, they were mainly pushing paperwork, so no harm done. Until today. Everything was great, until Kathy Stabler entered the precinct this noon.

Elliot was at Cragen's office and Olivia was finishing a report, her thoughts already to what to grab for lunch, when…

"Hello Olivia"

She raised her head slowly only to come face to face with Kathy, who was smiling politely at her.

"Oh hi Kathy, uh, Elliot is at Cragen's office, he uh, won't be long.." She said trying to keep an even tone

"Oh okay, I'll just wait for him, we're supposed to go out for lunch so…"

"Oh that's great, that's…"

Olivia couldn't have been happier when Elliot chose this moment to come walking towards them.

"Oh hey Kath" He said casually, placing a small peck on her lips, while he reached for his coat. "Liv, we're going out for lunch, do you want me to bring you something?"

"Nah I'm good thanks, I'll just finish those reports here…" She said trying to make herself seem busy, shuffling around papers in her desk.

"Okay, see you later then" Elliot said and lead Kathy out of the precinct.

The moment they were out of eyesight, Olivia dropped the shuffling and raced to the bathroom.

One hour later, she was sitting on her sofa, nursing a glass of wine. Once she had manage to calm down a bit, she had gone to Cragen and asked for the rest of the day off, claiming that she was running a fever. Fortunately Cragen accepted and five minutes later Olivia was rushing out of the precinct.

She gulped down the remands of the wine and reached for the bottle sitting on the coffee table so as to refill her glass, but found it empty. Sighing she sat up and went to her kitchen where she started rummaging around her selves. When her hand reached a bottle of vodka, she grabbed another glass from the sink and went back to the living room.

She poured herself a glass and immediately downed half of it. Dammit. Everything was really good, she had easily fooled herself into thinking that she could live without Elliot, at least without Elliot as her lover, without Elliot being something else in her life except her work partner. But then Kathy showed up and it was like Olivia had been slapped in the face with everything she would never be able to have. It had been like she was even then, hanging to some ridiculous idea that Elliot one day would hers. And just like that she had realized how wrong she had been.

It was like she had built a wall with false hopes and expectations, with dreams that didn't belong to her and now that poor-built construction was falling apart and each and every piece was hitting her hard. So as to get some relief from the pain she decided to get drunk, so drunk that she would not be able to remember her own name

" _Men Livy, are useless. You'll find that out soon enough" slurred Serena as she downed another glass of whiskey and stumbled across the living room. Eleven year-old Olivia watched her silently from her spot on the couch, knowing that sooner or later, her mother will pass out somewhere in the house and then she would have to go, pick her up and get her to bed, clean up the mess that she had made, and finally go to her own room and curl up in her bed._

Adult Olivia stumbled across her own living room with the empty bottle of vodka clutched on her hand. The door was knocked again and she almost tripped on the carpet at the hall.

"Coming… Jeez…" She muttered.

She fumbled with the doorknob a bit before she finally opened only to find Elliot standing there with a worried look on his face. In her drunken stupor, she stood still staring at him.

"Liv, are you ok? You were gone when I came back from lunch and Cragen said that you were running a fever so you left, but you were fine in the morning, what happened… Liv?"

She had finally managed to move away from the door and had found her way towards the kitchen, where she had retrieved another bottle of vodka and was proceeding on pouring another glass to herself.

"Liv are you drunk?" Elliot had followed her into the kitchen "I don't think it's good for you to drink if you're running a fever…"

"I am not sick" she mumbled

"Then what's going on?" Liv please you worry me" He said taking some steps towards where she was leaning against the counter.

"Like you care… Fuck off Elliot" She said slurring her words.

"I am not leaving you like this Olivia! And of course I care, what's that supposed to mean? You're my…"

"I'm your what Elliot? I'm your fucking what?" She suddenly shouted stomping her glass down on the counter. Half of its contains spilled out. "I am nothing to you, you hear me? Nothing! I am nothing to nobody, so back the hell off and stop pretending like you actually give a shit!" Tears were now sliding down her flushed cheeks. Her hands were trembling as she picked up the glass to drink again when Elliot moved forward and tried to extract it from her hand, but she was having a death grip on it.

"Liv you had enough for tonight, just give me the glass!" Elliot growled

"Dammit Elliot leave me the fuck alone!" She spat holding onto the glass with all her might.

But she was drunk and Elliot was stronger than her anyway so he finally managed to take it away from her. Olivia let out and angry yell.

"What do you want from me Elliot? What? You want me to say that everything is fine? Only it's not! I am a fucking mess, happy now? You made me that way, you should feel proud of yourself, you should feel so fucking proud…" She couldn't go on. She fell on her knees, right there, in the middle of her small kitchen, and started sobbing. Elliot was watching her, his eyes suspiciously moist, with the glass hanging numbly from his hand.

"I am a mess…." Olivia said between sobs.

Quietly, Elliot placed the glass on the table beside him and dropped on his knees beside Olivia, who kept sobbing silently without even acknowledging his presence. He slowly and carefully brought his arms around her curled form and when she didn't resist, he tightened his grip and rocked her. She turned and buried her face on the crook of his neck and kept crying, At some point, he felt her breathing evening out and her sobs subsided. He looked down and saw that she had fallen asleep so he carefully brought his one hand around her knees and scooped her up. He carried her like this on her bed, where he deposited her softly and covered her with a blanket. He stood above her for some minutes, watching her sleeping form, illuminated by the moonlight. Then he walked outside the room and into the living room where he sank down on the sofa. He couldn't leave her alone tonight, he couldn't bring him to himself to do so….

After almost three hours, he heard footsteps and Olivia appeared at the door of the living room with bloodshot eyes, rubbing her forehead. Elliot immediately stood up and approached her.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly. Olivia let out a small groan.

"I'll manage" she said in a dismissive tone.

"Do you want some Tylenol?"

"Yeah, yeah some Tylenol would be nice" she said with a small smile.

He disappeared into her kitchen and appeared a minute later with a glass of water and two pills. She hadn't move from where she was leaning at the door of the living room, he noticed. She accepted the pills, and downed them quickly with a generous amount of water. She placed the glass down on a table nearby and stood there, staring at her feet.

"You stayed" she exclaimed quietly.

"I couldn't leave you like that" he replied in the same quiet voice.

"I am a big girl Elliot, I've been drunk before…"

"I didn't _want_ to leave you". He took some steps forward, now being only inches away from touching her body. Olivia shook her head.

"Why?" she whispered looking up at his blue eyes. He took one more step. Now their bodies were touching and she held her breath tight, trying to control the tremble that was taking over her body and the fog that was starting to blur her mind. He leaned and she felt his hot breath on her ear. She closed her eyes and bit her lip hard.

" It's like when you are addicted to drugs" he whispered " You know it's bad and that it's destroying you but at the same time it's the best thing that ever happened to you, you want to have it again and again because it makes you feel pretty damn great. You…" his hands snaked around her body and inside her top. He closed his eyes and let out a soft moan, when he felt her hot, soft skin. "You are my drug Olivia, you…." He gulped slowly trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to escape his eyelids "…are my everything".

She couldn't speak, she couldn't move, she couldn't think, hell she couldn't even breathe. The words that had just escaped his mouth had immobilized her completely. She didn't want to think because then she would come crushing down to a very unwelcoming reality and she wanted, craved for one more night, just one night, when she could fool herself into believing that he was hers and hers only.

So when he pushed her back into her bedroom, she just followed him wordlessly.

That night, it wasn't quick and hurried, it wasn't frenzied. They took their time to explore each other's bodies, to kiss and caress every hidden spot. That night, they weren't having sex, they made love, sweetly and slowly to each other. They made love like they never had before.

And when the dawn came and the sun crept through the curtains of Olivia's bedroom, she pretended to be asleep when he stood up, wore his clothes and leaned to give her one last kiss on the forehead. She kept her eyes shut as he made his way through her apartment and she only allowed her tears to fall freely when the door closed behind him.

"You are my everything" he had moaned into her ear again as he was finishing inside her and Olivia believed him.

But she knew, that even that, wasn't enough.

* * *

 _ **I know that I am torturing those two, but you have to hang on! there is plenty to come, and if you havent noticed, there's another person who's waiting on the shadows to make his appearance...**_

 _ **Until next time review! xoxoxo Kate**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys!**

 **Thanks again for all your reviews and support! Kate you know I love you ;)**

* * *

Almost a month went by and almost uneventfully. Olivia never mentioned that night and neither did Elliot. They both acted as if nothing ever happened, not losing a bit of their working rhythm, making small talk about random things but that just was it. They avoided staying only the two of them in one place for two long, and even when they absolutely had to, such as in car rides, they remained totally silent. Even though, there were moments were Olivia would caught Elliot staring at her, as if he was trying to find the courage to say something but when she turned to look at him, he averted his gaze elsewhere.

But behind closed doors, things were very different for Olivia. Even though she hadn't drunk even a drop of alcohol, since that night, she slept less and less every day and nightmares were filling the few hours she managed to sleep. The weird thing was, that she had barely shed a tear. She thought that maybe you are allowed a certain amount of tears per person, and she had spent hers for Elliot already. It was as if, she was slowly coming to terms with a fact that was there from the very beginning of her affair with Elliot and no matter how hard she tried to persuade herself otherwise, it remained the only truth. It wasn't meant to be. And so she had to suck it up and move on.

She and Elliot had just got back from a call, when her cell rang, Casey's name flashing on the screen. Olivia groaned. She had never gotten into details with her about the mysterious man in her life, but when Casey had asked about it a week ago, Olivia just said it was over and that she didn't want to talk about it. Casey had dropped it for the moment and then work got in the way and thankfully for Olivia they hadn't managed to go out until then. But when she saw her name on the screen of her cellphone, she knew that she was probably calling to schedule a night out, and with Casey being well, Casey, she would definitely brought the subject up.

But she was in a room full of people, and especially Elliot, who had most likely seen Casey's name. She sighed and answered.

"Hey Case"

" _Dinner tonight, we need to talk, no you need to talk, you need to spill"_

"Jeez Casey…" she muttered.

"Liv?" Munch appeared in front of them with a post-it in his hand.

" _So are you free?"_

"Just wait a second Casey…" She covered the speaker with her hand. "What is it John?"

"You had a call, no two, from Dr Prestley's office about some test results…"

"Oh yeah thanks John" she said absently and took the post it from his extended arm while at the same time she spotted Elliot staring at her quizzically.

"Test results?" he asked with a hint of concern.

"Oh it's just my annual physical…"

" _Liv? Are you listening? Dinner? Tonight?"_

"Shit, Casey just wait a second…"

" _It's a yes or no answer Liv"_

"Dammit, yeah ok!" She groaned

" _I'll pick you up from your place at 7"_

It took Olivia some seconds to understand that she had just agreed to dinner with Casey. She fell back to her chair cursing Elliot and Munch for distracting her while she was talking and her own damn stupidity.

An hour later, she had called Casey again and persuaded her to compromise with take out and movie in her apartment, because she was really really tired, and if she was going to be interrogated by Casey, she preferred it happening at the comfort of her own couch in sweats.

* * *

At 7 pm Casey was knocking on her door. When Olivia opened she glared at her for a second before going for a quick hug.

"Why are you playing so hard to get Detective Benson?"

"Shut up, you're here now, so what will it be, pizza, chinese…"

" Chinese sounds fine."

"Ok just let me get the…"

Suddenly the sound of the ringing phone filled the air. Not recognizing the number immediately Olivia picked up with a curious expression.

Casey stood at the doorway of the kitchen and watched as Olivia was going around tidying up some things as she spoke.

"Yeah I know, they told me at work that you called earlier but I completely forgot it was a very busy day… Yeah… wait what?"

Casey raised an eyebrow in curiosity as Olivia suddenly stopped dead on her feet with a towel hanging from her hand.

"Are you sure? No I mean… I had no idea that… Yeah ok thank you."

She hang up but remained staring at the phone with a shocked expression.

"Liv?What's wrong?" Casey asked worriedly stepping closer to her frozen friend. Olivia turned and looked at her with eyes perfectly round from the shock. She opened her mouth, not able to believe the words that she was about to speak.

" I'm pregnant."

"What? How?" Casey asked her eyebrows almost disappearing into her hair and her voice filled with surprise.

How, really? Olivia thought. She hadn't had sex in… And then it clicked. Horrified she recalled how after her last night with Elliot, she had been so all over the place that she had been taking the pill very irregularly. And they hadn't used any other form of protection that night. Or any other, now that she came to think of it, but she was always very careful about taking the pill.

"I… I didn't take the pill after the last time I had sex… a month ago…" She confessed in a trembling voice.

"And now you and the guy are broken up? Oh Liv…."

And suddenly it hit her. It wasn't only the fact that she and Elliot had broken up. It was that she was pregnant with the child of her very married partner, the one that she had a secret affair with, the one that she was still very and hopelessly in love with.

She suddenly felt dizzy and grabbed a chair beside her. Her breathing started coming in small rapid breaths as a wave of nausea attacked her. She closed her eyes and tried to fight it off.

"Liv?"

She felt Casey's hand lightly touching her shoulder.

"Come on, let's get you lied down."

Without any protest, she let Casey lead her into the living room and to the couch where she lied down, still trying to control her breathing. Casey kneeled beside her and kept stroking her arm in an attempt to calm her. After a few minutes, when her nausea had subsided, Olivia opened her eyes and looked at her worried friend.

"God Case, this is all shades of fucked up…" she said, as tears started to fill up her eyes.

"Did you guys split up in bad terms?"

She sighed. How could she explain this to her? She didn't think that Casey would judge her about sleeping with a married man, but this was Elliot they were talking about, and also she wouldn't stand the pity in her friend's eyes if she told her how much in love she was with him.

"Not exactly." She said carefully, after some contemplation. "But things are still complicated between us, I don't know how he will feel about this…"

Casey squeezed her shoulder with a soft smile.

" Well, you're not alone in this you know that right? Whatever his reaction will be, I'm here for you okay?"

Olivia smiled and her heart filled with appreciation for her friend but at the same time with guiltiness for not being able to truly tell her how things went down.

"And for the record, you will be a great mother Olivia, not matter what."

And then it hit her. She hadn't truly embraced the situation till then. She was going to be a mother. She was going to have a child. Because, whatever the circumstances that brought it into this world, this baby was hers and she was keeping it.

* * *

 **Oh yeah! IT happened! Buckle up because there is so much more to come...What do you think Elliot's reaction will be?**

 **xoxoxo Kate**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everyone! soo Olivia is pregnant! Will she tell Elliot?**

 **Oh and its a bit irrelevant but I have to say it, Mariska looked so good when she appeared on Taylor Swift's concerts! Which reminds me, omg, she was so HOT in "Bad Blood" !**

 **I had fun writing this chapter, I think you will understand why :P**

* * *

The next morning she went into work with an uneasy feeling at the pit of her stomach that had little to do with the morning sickness that had made its appearance the moment she had woken up and that officially welcomed her into the magic world of pregnancy. No, this feeling had mostly to do with the one thing that was stuck on her mind since she had found out. She had to tell Elliot, and she had no idea how he was going to react.

She entered the squad room and went straight for her desk, without even glancing at Elliot who was already on his desk, typing something on his computer with a furrowed expression. She sat down and looked around. Fin and Munch hadn't arrived yet and besides them and three more officers, the precinct was empty. No time better than the present, she thought and took a deep breath.

"Elliot…we need to talk."

He barely acknowledged her by only lifting his head some inches from what he was typing at his computer.

"I'm pretty busy here Liv, can't it wait?" he said impatiently

She cleared her throat and forced herself to look straight into his eyes.

"Actually no" She said as steady as she could manage.

He sighed and she wanted to smack him and then smack herself, for choosing this man to father her child. She was thinking carefully of what words she would choose to say to him that in almost nine months he would be the happy father of six, when…

"Benson, Stabler, my office."

She closed her eyes and cursed under her breath for Cragen's excellent timing.

"We have a break on the Clark case." He said as soon as they got in.

About a month ago, they had found murdered and raped a girl, 17 year-old Mandy Clark, who was missing for a year. As the case unraveled, they discovered that Mandy had been abducted by a group, that was selling girls her age at strip clubs.

"Jimmy Twight is the owner of Exotica, a strip club downtown. They had sold Mandy to him, but apparently she tried to escape. He found her, raped her and killed her. According to our inside man, there are five or more girls like Mandy there too." Cragen informed them.

"So what's the plan?" Olivia asked crossing her arms in front of her. She was becoming more and more hell-bent on catching this piece of shit as they dug deeper into this case.

Cragen stood silent for a moment examining her.

"Just how well do you dance?" he said finally.

Olivia stared at him for just a second before her eyes grew wide with realization.

"The hell does that mean?" Elliot spat suddenly. Olivia had almost forgotten that he was in the room too

"Um, I think it means that I'm going to be posing as a stripper." She said trying to hold back a laugh. But Elliot didn't seem half as amused as her.

"You think it's funny Olivia? It's dangerous! A million things can go wrong! Surely there must be another way Cap" he said in an almost desperate tone.

"Excuse me but it's my call and I'm doing it. Now Cap tell me what exactly do…"

"For the love of God Olivia, are you having a death wish or something? Those guys are ruthless criminals! If they make you out as a cop…"

"So they won't" Olivia interrupted him in unimpressed voice "And last time I checked Elliot, you were not my guardian or my keeper."

"I am your partner Goddamit!"

"That's enough, both of you!" Cragen said the moment Olivia opened her mouth ready to spat an angry response to Elliot.

"Elliot, Olivia is right, it's not your decision to make, it's mine and while I appreciate the danger, I'm sure that Olivia will pull it off just fine. And she won't be alone, you're going with her"

If there were levels of how red a face can turn, Elliot's had reach the top one, and then some. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. He then closed it and opened it again but still no sound.

"I'm happy that we reached an agreement" Cragen said sarcastically. " Now get the hell out of my office and if I hear you raise your voices even by an octave, you will be both suspended without pay. Am I clear?" he said in a tone that suggested that the conversation was over.

Neither of them bothered to even nod at their Captain as they exited his office. Without even a glance, Elliot walked past her and up to the cribs, fuming.

Olivia sighed and fell to her chair. She looked at an unfinished tuna salad from lunch at a corner of her desk and her stomach churned even at the thought of food so she unceremoniously threw the remnants at the bin, but then she froze.

 _Oh shit._ She thought as a wave of nausea started creeping through her body. _The baby, I completely forgot about it_ , she thought and suddenly felt extremely ashamed of herself.

 _Well I kind of just found out and since there are still no signs of a bump… But how am I going to pull the undercover stunt like that? Cragen won't let me do it and Elliot….well he won't agree to it not in a million years… But it's really important that we catch those guys, save those poor girls and get Mandy justice!_

Olivia sighed and for a moment hated herself for the decision she was about to make. So she wouldn't say a thing to anyone until the undercover job was done.

 _I would be extra careful and anyway Elliot would be there. Elliot who would have a coronary if he knew the stunt I am about to pull. Elliot who is going to see my strip out of probably very sexy and slutty underwear, preferably to some very slutty music and preferably, while also pole dancing._

 _And all of this, of course, for the shake of the girls._

 _But the look on Elliot's face will be a very welcomed extra bonus._

* * *

She looked herself in the mirror while putting the final touches on her make up. She stared at her reflection. It was over the top and nothing like what she usually preferred but it suited the occasion perfectly. She had applied a general amount of black eyeliner, giving her eyes a cat essence, black mascara was covering her eyelashes, making them seem even bigger than usual and she had painted her lips with a bright red lipstick.

She was wearing a black trench coat, that stopped mid-thigh and 5 inch silver heels. Sighing loud, she placed her hand on her still flat stomach and rubbed it gently.

"Okay sweetheart, momma is only doing this to catch the bad guys. God, I'm so glad that you won't be able to even listen to any of this…" _They are not able to listen at 7 weeks, are they?_

There was a knock at the door and Twight's bulldog faced bodyguard appeared.

"You're on" he said letting his eyes travel up and down her body. Without a word Olivia walked past him and out of the room.

"Let's see what you've got" he said and gave her a light spank on the ass. It took all of her will not to turn around and punch him hard on the crotch. Instead she kept on walking till she reached the door that led on the stage of the strip club.

Taking a deep breath and praying that all this won't blow up in her face, She took the final steps to the door and opened it.

The bright lights of the stage hit her right in the eyes, almost blinding her but she was still able to spot Elliot in a corner at the bar. The men around the stage started cheering and clapping once they saw her, bur her gaze was fixed on _him._ With sure, steady steps she walked and the center of the stage and as the music started playing, she decided that she could really have some fun with this. Her eyes always on him, she smiled seductively while at the same time she started swaying her hips with the rhythm of the music. Slowly but certainly, she unclasped the buttons of the trench coat one by one. When they were all open, she let the garment fall gently from her shoulders at the floor. At that moment Elliot's mouth opened slightly and his face changed about three shades of red and Olivia couldn't blame him. The only thing she was wearing beneath the trench coat was a lacy push up hot pink bra with satin black ribbons, and a matching silky thong. All the men around cheered louder and some whistled. As she kept on swaying to the music, rolling her hips, she slowly moved to the pole that stood behind her, grasped the metal bar around her hand and let her body make a circle around the pole. She made three rounds before her gaze returned to Elliot who had somehow managed to recover from the shock and was now looking at her poker faced. Smirking, she decided that his torture was not over yet and so, twirling and swinging her body, she walked towards the end of the stage

Knowing that no one from her squad except Elliot was watching, she reached around her back and unclasped her bra. With one move, she totally removed it from her body. The crowd beneath her burst into whistles and cheers, while Elliot's eyes went wide once more and she watched satisfied as his drink almost slipped from his hand. But that wasn't enough. Oh no. And so, she raised her hand holding the bra to the air and before thinking it again because she would surely back off, she swirled the bra once, two, three times and threw it in the air, aiming directly for Elliot.

The bra landed on his lap and at this moment Olivia didn't know what was redder, the light coming from the bar behind him or Elliot's face.

Without standing to give him a last look, she turned her back walked the few steps towards her coat, picked it up and then exited the stage decisively under the cheers of the crowd.

* * *

 **Sorry if it was kinda small, but I promise there are lots to come! when is she going to tell Elliot?**

 **xoxoxo Kate**


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